"I do not know what I may appear to the world; but to myself I seem to have been only like a boy playing on the shore, and diverting myself whilst now and then finding a smoother pebble or a prettier shell than ordinary, whilst the great ocean of truth lay all undiscovered before me."
---Sir Isaac Newton
Wow! If Isaac Newton felt this way about his career and all he accomplished, how should we feel about what we haven't accomplished? Pretty much like a loser, I suppose. Or should we feel better about what we've accomplished.....no matter how insignificant it is in our minds? It seems that explaining the theory of universal gravitation or outlining the 3 laws of motion wasn't a big deal to ol' Isaac. Nor was it all that impressive to him that he built the first practical reflecting telescope and developed a theory of colour based on the observation that a prism decomposes white light into the many colours which form the visible spectrum. He also formulated an empirical law of cooling and studied the speed of sound. All of these accomplishments would be admirable if they were realized in 2009, but the fact that Newton did all of this and much more in the late 1600's makes it all the more impressive.
What is also quite impressive about Newton's perception of himself and of his accomplishments (beside being humble) is that he realized and acknowledged how vast the world is---there is more information, more knowledge and there are more discoveries out there than our feeble little minds could ever comprehend. Whatever we do learn, understand, comprehend, discover or even master or conquer is merely a speck of sand on the infinite beach where Newton searched for pebbles and shells. Its the ocean of truth that spans the horizon before us, which beckons us away from the safety of the shore, with its alluring tranquility and its dark, vast, and dangerous depths. And, those of us who feel insignificant and insecure, answer the siren song of that vast ocean of truth---seeking what we know we will never find, but being our own toughest critics, we face that impending doom head-on, hoping to silence our internal critic forever.
It probably would have done Isaac some good had he spoken with Herbert Spencer, a British Philosopher, who in 1850 said, "All science can demonstrate is that nothing whatsoever is knowable." Isaac most likely felt this in his gut, but if he and DaVinci would have truly believed this, they both would have felt better about what they DID accomplish. (You may recall that DaVinci was quoted on his deathbed as saying that he was sorry for leaving so much work undone and so many discoveries undetected!) On the other hand, if Socrates met Mr. Spencer, and was somehow discouraged by learning that nothing is knowable, then Socrates might have never said this: "One thing I would fight for to the end, both in word and in deed--- I must try to find our what is not known." And as we all know, that is exactly how Socrates lived his life, and Western Civilization is all that it is today because of his accomplishments!
Speaking of knowing what is unknown, Canadian psychologist, Donald O. Hebb once 'proved' the non-existence of the unconscious mind! Think about that for a moment and pay attention to what it is like to be stuck in a double-negative, oxymoronic state of meta-cognition! Just try not to let your head explode! Is his theory correct? Incorrect? Does anyone know? Can anyone ever know? Who knows! I certainly don't.....and in this case, I am perfectly content not knowing. Unlike Socrates, I won't fight this to the end because my brain hurts.
Allow me to finally come to my point.....in my humble opinion, career actualization or successful living doesn't and shouldn't have anything to do with striving to know what is unknown. Its not about obtaining knowledge in math, science, business, etc. Successful living should equate to knowing what you want to experience in life. In other words, be able to fully articulate your dreams and if at all possible, live them to their fullest. Not long ago, one of my supervisors was diagnosed with a terminal form of cancer. He had weeks to live. He was giving a speech at his 'going away' party, and he quoted the words from the song 'Impossible Dream' (Man of LaMancha). He spoke about how he lived the words from that song, and most importantly, he was able to KNOW what his impossible dream in life was---and he sadly pointed out, many people never know. He felt blessed that he had that knowledge, and was able to strive for and live his personal impossible dream.
Perhaps this quote from poet Edwin Markham best summarizes all we really need to know about not knowing: "Ah great it is to believe the dream as we stand in youth by the starry stream; but a greater thing is to fight life through and say at the end the dream is true." Do you know your unknown dreams?
Friday, July 10, 2009
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Democracy or Anarchy?
"Man's capacity for justice makes democracy possible, but man's inclination to injustice makes democracy necessary."
--Reinhold Niebuhr, theologian (1892-1971)
Democracy in the workplace is very difficult to manage. The chasm between the good and the bad employees is prodigious. There are many high performers and many slackers, many wildly successful employees and many dead beats. There are those who are brilliant and those who are the dimmest of the dim-bulbs. And there are the have's and the have not's......the real articles and the posers. So, the challenge with establishing a democracy at work comes with finding a middle of the road option that will benefit and reward folks for doing a job well done, while punishing those who do not use good judgement. Sometimes, a social justice model can work by using peer pressure to adhere to what is deemed appropriate behavior by the collective group, and not just "The Man" who sits in the corner office.
The problem is, those who never do wrong and are the excellent performers and stand-up employees become offended by democratic laws or regulations. In fact, the lousy employees who are always using poor judgement are also offended by democratic laws and regulations! The great ones feel they shouldn't have to live under democratic laws or policies because it insults their character. The horrible ones feel the same way because it takes away their ability to manipulate loop holes in the system! Socially just or not, the majority of employees (based on my 25 years of anecdotal data gathering) would rather have no stated or written bylines, codes, rules of conduct, regulations, policies or procedures of any kind!! At the same time, they complain when there is no rule, and anarchy ensues. You see, this is why management careers lead to high-blood pressure, heart disease, strokes and early death. Managers try to help, they really do, but it sometimes feels similar to how Major Dave Stockwell, a UN Spokesman described the Clinton attempt to free Somalia: "We came, we fed them, they kicked our asses!"
Which reminds me of a story from a time not so long ago.....
Evette was a manager of a group of 15 employees. When she took over this 'team' of people, she found a department in the midst of a lawless society. She discovered that they had an anything goes environment, and as a result they took full advantage. They took time off when they pleased, abused sick time, worked from home without reporting their intentions ahead of time, spent money without authorization, would attend meetings if they felt like it, left trash in the reception area, would not cover for a colleague if he/she needed some help, and the list went on and on and on.....Suffice it to say they were lazy, inconsiderate, self-centered, manipulative, childish, and lacked integrity. But how could you blame them, their prior 'manager' never held them accountable to any policies or rules.
So, by the time Evette joined the team, anarchy was the rule. The team was self-managed and they loved it! However, as a great leader and manager, Evette knew that violating company policies and/or allowing the inmates to run the asylum would only lead to more problems. So she began tightening the screws. She established departmental policies and procedures to enforce appropriate behavior, especially for those employees who were blatantly disregarding the well-being of the team. She put an end to taking time off whenever someone felt like it. She required a strict process for tracking hours off and mandated transparency in regards to expenditures. Travel policies were enacted to ward off the chronic problem of employees extending their trips so they can take a 'working vacation' on the company's dime.
Evette also had to enact policies for some of the more severe issues, like using foul language or other forms of harassment. In order to discipline an offender of a more serious allegation, she needed to have these policies in writing because if/when the time came to 'write-up' an offender, she needed to have documentation that the alleged offense was indeed an infraction. The excuse of, "I didn't know I couldn't use company cars to take my friends out bar hopping on Friday nights wasn't allowed---its not written anywhere," would no longer work.
One day, an employee of Evette's filed an official complaint with her company's HR department. The complaintant stated, "Our supervisor is a control freak. She is using an iron-fist to push us down and humiliate us with dozens of rules and policies. Its offensive because she doesn't trust us and she is treating us like babies. The only reason why she writes all of these rules is because it is the cowardly way out.....all she has to do is write a policy and never have to deal with the real issues." Of course, this was a myopic, jaundiced and ignorant account of the situation. It just so happened that the complaintant was a chronic offender and was one of the reasons why 10 new policies were initiated!! The complaintant was also directly involved with 2 write-ups and a performance improvement plan. So to say that there wasn't any follow up on the issues after they were made laws was absurd!
What the complaintant did do, was fuel a firestorm of complaints from the rest of the team by spreading his ignorant vitriol through the department. What he failed to do was gather the facts about WHY policies had to be implemented. He also failed to get the perspective of his management team about HOW these policies will be enforced, and over time, WHEN the policies might be repealed. Instead, he chose to complain and spread grief. Which in due time, lead to his firing---along with 6 of his teammates.
So remember, the next time a new rule or regulation comes your way, try to see it with clear eyes and an open mind---and from management's perspective. As Alexander Pope once wrote, "All seems Infected that th' Infected spy, As all looks yellow to the Jaundic'd Eye." For, as Mr. Niebuhr stated, democracy is necessary---but without understanding and consideration for others, it won't be possible.
--Reinhold Niebuhr, theologian (1892-1971)
Democracy in the workplace is very difficult to manage. The chasm between the good and the bad employees is prodigious. There are many high performers and many slackers, many wildly successful employees and many dead beats. There are those who are brilliant and those who are the dimmest of the dim-bulbs. And there are the have's and the have not's......the real articles and the posers. So, the challenge with establishing a democracy at work comes with finding a middle of the road option that will benefit and reward folks for doing a job well done, while punishing those who do not use good judgement. Sometimes, a social justice model can work by using peer pressure to adhere to what is deemed appropriate behavior by the collective group, and not just "The Man" who sits in the corner office.
The problem is, those who never do wrong and are the excellent performers and stand-up employees become offended by democratic laws or regulations. In fact, the lousy employees who are always using poor judgement are also offended by democratic laws and regulations! The great ones feel they shouldn't have to live under democratic laws or policies because it insults their character. The horrible ones feel the same way because it takes away their ability to manipulate loop holes in the system! Socially just or not, the majority of employees (based on my 25 years of anecdotal data gathering) would rather have no stated or written bylines, codes, rules of conduct, regulations, policies or procedures of any kind!! At the same time, they complain when there is no rule, and anarchy ensues. You see, this is why management careers lead to high-blood pressure, heart disease, strokes and early death. Managers try to help, they really do, but it sometimes feels similar to how Major Dave Stockwell, a UN Spokesman described the Clinton attempt to free Somalia: "We came, we fed them, they kicked our asses!"
Which reminds me of a story from a time not so long ago.....
Evette was a manager of a group of 15 employees. When she took over this 'team' of people, she found a department in the midst of a lawless society. She discovered that they had an anything goes environment, and as a result they took full advantage. They took time off when they pleased, abused sick time, worked from home without reporting their intentions ahead of time, spent money without authorization, would attend meetings if they felt like it, left trash in the reception area, would not cover for a colleague if he/she needed some help, and the list went on and on and on.....Suffice it to say they were lazy, inconsiderate, self-centered, manipulative, childish, and lacked integrity. But how could you blame them, their prior 'manager' never held them accountable to any policies or rules.
So, by the time Evette joined the team, anarchy was the rule. The team was self-managed and they loved it! However, as a great leader and manager, Evette knew that violating company policies and/or allowing the inmates to run the asylum would only lead to more problems. So she began tightening the screws. She established departmental policies and procedures to enforce appropriate behavior, especially for those employees who were blatantly disregarding the well-being of the team. She put an end to taking time off whenever someone felt like it. She required a strict process for tracking hours off and mandated transparency in regards to expenditures. Travel policies were enacted to ward off the chronic problem of employees extending their trips so they can take a 'working vacation' on the company's dime.
Evette also had to enact policies for some of the more severe issues, like using foul language or other forms of harassment. In order to discipline an offender of a more serious allegation, she needed to have these policies in writing because if/when the time came to 'write-up' an offender, she needed to have documentation that the alleged offense was indeed an infraction. The excuse of, "I didn't know I couldn't use company cars to take my friends out bar hopping on Friday nights wasn't allowed---its not written anywhere," would no longer work.
One day, an employee of Evette's filed an official complaint with her company's HR department. The complaintant stated, "Our supervisor is a control freak. She is using an iron-fist to push us down and humiliate us with dozens of rules and policies. Its offensive because she doesn't trust us and she is treating us like babies. The only reason why she writes all of these rules is because it is the cowardly way out.....all she has to do is write a policy and never have to deal with the real issues." Of course, this was a myopic, jaundiced and ignorant account of the situation. It just so happened that the complaintant was a chronic offender and was one of the reasons why 10 new policies were initiated!! The complaintant was also directly involved with 2 write-ups and a performance improvement plan. So to say that there wasn't any follow up on the issues after they were made laws was absurd!
What the complaintant did do, was fuel a firestorm of complaints from the rest of the team by spreading his ignorant vitriol through the department. What he failed to do was gather the facts about WHY policies had to be implemented. He also failed to get the perspective of his management team about HOW these policies will be enforced, and over time, WHEN the policies might be repealed. Instead, he chose to complain and spread grief. Which in due time, lead to his firing---along with 6 of his teammates.
So remember, the next time a new rule or regulation comes your way, try to see it with clear eyes and an open mind---and from management's perspective. As Alexander Pope once wrote, "All seems Infected that th' Infected spy, As all looks yellow to the Jaundic'd Eye." For, as Mr. Niebuhr stated, democracy is necessary---but without understanding and consideration for others, it won't be possible.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Appreciate me! Notice me!
"It is the fate of those who toil at the lower employments of life, to be driven by the fear of evil, than attracted by the prospect of good; to be exposed to censure, without hope of praise; to be disgraced by miscarriage or punished for neglect, where success would have been without applause, and diligence without reward."
---Samuel Johnson, 1772
We all feel unappreciated at times....and some of us even feel useless and expendable if those unappreciated feelings linger long enough. Being at the 'lower employments of life' doesn't have to equate to the unskilled, and uneducated/untrained laborers of the world---lower employments can refer to any job, at any level, for anybody---maybe even yours!
For example, if you feel like you have to constantly prove yourself to others in order to rationalize why you are in your current position, then you are experiencing the negativity (driven by fear of evil) of being at 'the lower employments of life.' Here are some other key indicators that that might mean you are spending your time in those dreaded lower employments:
1. Your opinions are rarely/never heard or considered (exposed to censure).
2. Your good deeds and accomplishments go without notice (without hope of praise).
3. Your boss cancels meetings with you more than once a month (punished with neglect).
4. You are publicly persecuted for your smallest mistakes (disgraced by miscarriage).
5. You have not had a promotion or non-COLA raise in more than 3 years (success without applause).
6. You have exceeded your goals, made the company money, saved the company time, innovated new products, etc. but you are not given challenging responsibilities or new assignments (diligence without reward).
The theme or common thread that runs through these 7 examples (including the driven by fear of evil example) is that they involve NOT BEING NOTICED. George Berkeley, the famous 18th Century British Empiricist, once wrote, "To exist is no more than to be perceived (esse is percipi)." How horrible is it for a person to feel as if he/she doesn't even exist? For social creatures as we, can there be any lot in life more punishing or more brutal? Sadly, for multiple reasons (company politics, personal hatred, indignation, revenge, the Peter Principle), folks at all levels of the workplace hierarchy, are being 'abused' by neglect.
Consider Al, a hard-working Type-A who worked his way from the bottom to the food chain all the way to the VP's office. He was relatively smart, but not brilliant. He was a hard worker, but had flashes of malaise due to rote job duties. He was an average speaker/orator, but didn't have a voice that projected or carried well. He was an unassuming person and never imposed his will or his agenda on anyone.
Because of these personal traits, Al seemed like a quiet, shy, 'nice guy' who wasn't all that talented or even competent. Since everyone drew these stereotypical conclusions about him, they sort of wrote him off---when he spoke, nobody listened. When he offered ideas, nobody agreed with him and made notes. When he gave instructions, nobody remembered what he said to do and didn't do it as a result. His colleagues and even some of his subordinates harbored feelings of indignation because he was promoted to his VP role just a few months prior. They all agreed that he was a good employee but he was promoted because he was the CEO's 'Golden Boy' and he wasn't competent enough to deserve the promotion. In some regards, they were right, he had a learning curve ahead of him; but in many regards they were wrong, he was extremely talented---they just didn't see it because he went life on this job being invisible. Unappreciated. Unnoticed.
As a result, he became more withdrawn. If nobody listened to him speak, why should he speak at all? If nobody recorded his ideas, why should he offer help at all? If nobody followed his instructions, why should he bother leading them at all? As he withdrew himself, and made his invisibility a self-fulfilling prophecy, he became lonely and depressed. He felt like a talentless hack, like someone who didn't belong working with his company, let alone holding a VP's position. As time passed, he brushed aside high-profile projects and turned down high-profile speaking opportunities. He stayed in his office and worked on clerical/admin duties. He became nothing more than an invisible clerk who typed all day. He was toiling at the lower employments of life.
After a few months of feeling invisible, he finally quit his job. He was forced out by neglect. He changed his ways after he found a new VP position with a new company. He became more aggressive, more opinionated, more vocal, more demanding, a bigger pain in the ass to his subordinates, more assuming, more dominating--in short he and his oppressive will were noticed! Even more interesting, when he spoke, they listened. When he offered ideas, heads nodded in agreement. And when he barked out orders, they damn- well followed!
What does all of this mean? If you want/need to be noticed or respected, go out there and GRAB their attention! It won't come to you without effort. Al learned his lesson the hard way---but Machiavelli has been preaching it for centuries: "Men do with less remorse offend against those who desire to be loved than against those who are ambitious of being feared. For love is fastened only by a ligament of obligation, which the ill-nature of mankind breaks upon every occasion that is presented to his profit; but fear depends upon a apprehension of punishment, which is never to be dispelled." In other words, if you want to be noticed and appreciated and respected, lose the quiet, nice-guy image. They really do finish last!
---Samuel Johnson, 1772
We all feel unappreciated at times....and some of us even feel useless and expendable if those unappreciated feelings linger long enough. Being at the 'lower employments of life' doesn't have to equate to the unskilled, and uneducated/untrained laborers of the world---lower employments can refer to any job, at any level, for anybody---maybe even yours!
For example, if you feel like you have to constantly prove yourself to others in order to rationalize why you are in your current position, then you are experiencing the negativity (driven by fear of evil) of being at 'the lower employments of life.' Here are some other key indicators that that might mean you are spending your time in those dreaded lower employments:
1. Your opinions are rarely/never heard or considered (exposed to censure).
2. Your good deeds and accomplishments go without notice (without hope of praise).
3. Your boss cancels meetings with you more than once a month (punished with neglect).
4. You are publicly persecuted for your smallest mistakes (disgraced by miscarriage).
5. You have not had a promotion or non-COLA raise in more than 3 years (success without applause).
6. You have exceeded your goals, made the company money, saved the company time, innovated new products, etc. but you are not given challenging responsibilities or new assignments (diligence without reward).
The theme or common thread that runs through these 7 examples (including the driven by fear of evil example) is that they involve NOT BEING NOTICED. George Berkeley, the famous 18th Century British Empiricist, once wrote, "To exist is no more than to be perceived (esse is percipi)." How horrible is it for a person to feel as if he/she doesn't even exist? For social creatures as we, can there be any lot in life more punishing or more brutal? Sadly, for multiple reasons (company politics, personal hatred, indignation, revenge, the Peter Principle), folks at all levels of the workplace hierarchy, are being 'abused' by neglect.
Consider Al, a hard-working Type-A who worked his way from the bottom to the food chain all the way to the VP's office. He was relatively smart, but not brilliant. He was a hard worker, but had flashes of malaise due to rote job duties. He was an average speaker/orator, but didn't have a voice that projected or carried well. He was an unassuming person and never imposed his will or his agenda on anyone.
Because of these personal traits, Al seemed like a quiet, shy, 'nice guy' who wasn't all that talented or even competent. Since everyone drew these stereotypical conclusions about him, they sort of wrote him off---when he spoke, nobody listened. When he offered ideas, nobody agreed with him and made notes. When he gave instructions, nobody remembered what he said to do and didn't do it as a result. His colleagues and even some of his subordinates harbored feelings of indignation because he was promoted to his VP role just a few months prior. They all agreed that he was a good employee but he was promoted because he was the CEO's 'Golden Boy' and he wasn't competent enough to deserve the promotion. In some regards, they were right, he had a learning curve ahead of him; but in many regards they were wrong, he was extremely talented---they just didn't see it because he went life on this job being invisible. Unappreciated. Unnoticed.
As a result, he became more withdrawn. If nobody listened to him speak, why should he speak at all? If nobody recorded his ideas, why should he offer help at all? If nobody followed his instructions, why should he bother leading them at all? As he withdrew himself, and made his invisibility a self-fulfilling prophecy, he became lonely and depressed. He felt like a talentless hack, like someone who didn't belong working with his company, let alone holding a VP's position. As time passed, he brushed aside high-profile projects and turned down high-profile speaking opportunities. He stayed in his office and worked on clerical/admin duties. He became nothing more than an invisible clerk who typed all day. He was toiling at the lower employments of life.
After a few months of feeling invisible, he finally quit his job. He was forced out by neglect. He changed his ways after he found a new VP position with a new company. He became more aggressive, more opinionated, more vocal, more demanding, a bigger pain in the ass to his subordinates, more assuming, more dominating--in short he and his oppressive will were noticed! Even more interesting, when he spoke, they listened. When he offered ideas, heads nodded in agreement. And when he barked out orders, they damn- well followed!
What does all of this mean? If you want/need to be noticed or respected, go out there and GRAB their attention! It won't come to you without effort. Al learned his lesson the hard way---but Machiavelli has been preaching it for centuries: "Men do with less remorse offend against those who desire to be loved than against those who are ambitious of being feared. For love is fastened only by a ligament of obligation, which the ill-nature of mankind breaks upon every occasion that is presented to his profit; but fear depends upon a apprehension of punishment, which is never to be dispelled." In other words, if you want to be noticed and appreciated and respected, lose the quiet, nice-guy image. They really do finish last!
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Mystic Vibrations or Itchy Hives
"Float with the current; if we don't find anything pleasant, at least we may find something new."
---Voltaire
"Go with the flow!" "Any way the wind blows!" "Easy come, easy go!" "Que Sera Sera!"
These are the tag lines of the easygoing and open-minded. The free-and-easy spirited folks who never swim upstream and fight the current, they just sit back on a raft, sip a cool umbrella drink and enjoy the ride. And, not being lazy or stupid, they have the sense to know that if they ever need to get off the flow, they can paddle diagonally toward the shore, to escape the current, but that's always a last resort. Because why would you want to spoil the the ride?
Those of us who have to plan every step we take, become nervous at the thought of letting 'the flow' take us in which ever direction it has in store. This seeming lack of control is really difficult for us Type-A's of the world. In some respects, it boils down to a way of thinking about our lives.....are we in control of our destinies or are we just dust in the wind?
Those of us who think/believe or are disillusioned that we have control over what happens or doesn't happen in our lives/careers are usually fighting battles, strategizing to fight more battles, swimming against the current, beating the odds, failing often, licking our wounds, and wondering why nothing ever comes easy. It's exhausting! After months and years of this relentless and stubborn effort to 'be successful' its enough to make a person wonder if its all worth it.
That's why we are envious of---check that---indignant toward, anyone who can simply go with the flow AND still find success. It shouldn't be that easy!! Or should it? Maybe, they (the floaters) are on to something. Maybe just letting life happen and letting your career come to you actually works. The obvious benefits of being stress-free, enjoying life, having fun, and knowing that whatever happens is supposed to happen because you haven't forced it can all lead to a healthier and happier life. Classic Author and longtime sailor, Herman Melville wrote this rhetorical question: "Why, upon your first voyage as a passenger, did you yourself feel such a mystical vibration, when first told you and your ship were now out of sight of land?" The answer is a simple one.....because you're going with the flow! You're out on the open ocean, one with nature, isolated, alone, vulnerable, in danger yet in tranquility. It awakens your senses and invigorates your soul.
Along these lines, Nathaniel Hawthorne, who was also a Classic Author and a friend of Melville's wrote: "Moonlight and the sentiment in man's heart responsive to it, are the greatest of renovators and reformers." Again, another way of answering Melville's question about the mystic vibrations we feel when we're at sea. Hawthorne also knew that nature awakens the sentiments in our hearts that are responsive to whatever it is that we see or experience---anything that enables us to go with the flow and relax typically jump starts this process.
So, now we know that we need to open the sentiments in our hearts, so that we can feel some mystic vibrations that will enable us to renovate our souls. We also know that going with the flow, and giving up some or all elements of control will help us get to that point. The remaining question is this: "Can you relinquish control and stop fighting the current?"
Olive was one person who just let everything 'be' and was what I considered the quintessential master of mystic vibrations. Even though she had a relatively successful career (she was the director of a department that had 9 people reporting to her), she got to that point by not trying at all! As she told me her story about how she got from Point A to Point B (her director's position) I marveled at how all she did was 'go with the flow.' In fact, that was her favorite saying---it was more than that---it was her motto. Every time I asked her how she was doing she would say, "Oh Troy, I'm just going with the flow!" But I digress. Back to her story.
As a college student, Olive simply studied what she liked or 'felt like learning about at that time.' She truly believed that God and fate would lead her on a true path to whatever she was 'supposed to do with her life' so she didn't have to worry about it. All she needed to do in college was study what she liked learning about and earn good grades. Which she did. Once college was nearing its end, she didn't hassle herself with searching for a job, she was confident an opportunity would open up, so she sat back and let the river carry her where ever it was heading! (That's the part of her story that gives me hives....there's no way I could've done that!)
But, after of few months of floating on the current, Olive saw a job opportunity along the shore so she paddled diagonally to the shore (not fighting the current, mind you) and landed at a nice opportunity where and when she was 'supposed to find it.' (Again, another attack of the hives!) While working in her new position, she was relaxed, happy and content. Her soul was renovated, and she was always at ease. She was feeling the mystic vibrations of a greater plan that could only be had by letting it happen. (Itchy hives broke out again!)
Fast forward a few years.....Olive stayed in that same job for 19 years (Itchy hives) because she never had a 'calling' to get back onto the flow that could carry her someplace else (Itchy hives). Then, one day, she told me that her job was going to be eliminated and her department was going to be consolidated with another smaller group because the company was losing money and had to figure out means of running lean. I asked her what her plan was. I wanted to know what she was going to do, where she was wanting to go and how she was going to get there. She said, "Oh Troy, I'm just going with the flow!" And I broke out in hives once again. I just couldn't, for the life of me, fathom how she couldn't have a plan!! In my feeble, Type-A mind, it defied logic!
Olive spent about 6 months going with the flow. Not really trying to find a job, just sort of letting life happen. I was so concerned about her, I was secretly job searching for her in my spare time! If she wasn't willing to fight the current and make something happen, then dammit, I would swim against her current (and my own current) for her! As it turned out, I was able to procure a great lead for her--great company, great pay, great boss. When I presented the opportunity to her, I felt as if I had saved her from having to live in a van down by the river, eating a steady diet of government cheese (to borrow a phrase). But I was wrong. Olive didn't see me as a savior who snatched her out of the jaws of destitution. She said, "Thanks, Troy but I can't accept this job lead. It looks good, but it didn't just come to me---you had to spend a lot of time and effort finding it."
I said, "Of course it took time and effort to find it, that's HOW you play the game!" And, Olive's response was, "It's important to me that I am able to find my own opportunities in life as they come to me---without stress, without effort, without forcing my will upon anyone. If I just go with the flow, something will come along eventually, Don't worry about me, I'll be fine." With that, I just faded into the background.
Months passed and Olive still didn't have a job. Then the months became one full year. At that point, she was diagnosed with a liver disease and she never recovered. She passed away only 8 weeks after that diagnosis. I couldn't help but wonder if she KNEW what was about to happen to her health. I wondered if she didn't take that job lead because she KNEW she wasn't supposed to. Maybe she didn't find it because she wasn't supposed to find it. I wondered if she didn't find another job right away because that wasn't in the PLAN. I began to wonder about a lot of things. But the one thing that I didn't wonder about was in relation to Olive's life.....she lived it on her terms, never straying from the flow that would carry her where she was 'supposed to go.' All her life, she certainly did float with the current, occasionally finding something new, but always finding something pleasant.
When she passed away, she was at peace and content with her life. And, when its all said and done, that really is all that matters. Olive left me with 2 things: with my itchy hives, as a reminder of how I needed to change my way of thinking. And with my new-found knowledge of witnessing the benefits of mystic vibrations. Now I'm off, I have to get busy with planning how to go with the flow!!
---Voltaire
"Go with the flow!" "Any way the wind blows!" "Easy come, easy go!" "Que Sera Sera!"
These are the tag lines of the easygoing and open-minded. The free-and-easy spirited folks who never swim upstream and fight the current, they just sit back on a raft, sip a cool umbrella drink and enjoy the ride. And, not being lazy or stupid, they have the sense to know that if they ever need to get off the flow, they can paddle diagonally toward the shore, to escape the current, but that's always a last resort. Because why would you want to spoil the the ride?
Those of us who have to plan every step we take, become nervous at the thought of letting 'the flow' take us in which ever direction it has in store. This seeming lack of control is really difficult for us Type-A's of the world. In some respects, it boils down to a way of thinking about our lives.....are we in control of our destinies or are we just dust in the wind?
Those of us who think/believe or are disillusioned that we have control over what happens or doesn't happen in our lives/careers are usually fighting battles, strategizing to fight more battles, swimming against the current, beating the odds, failing often, licking our wounds, and wondering why nothing ever comes easy. It's exhausting! After months and years of this relentless and stubborn effort to 'be successful' its enough to make a person wonder if its all worth it.
That's why we are envious of---check that---indignant toward, anyone who can simply go with the flow AND still find success. It shouldn't be that easy!! Or should it? Maybe, they (the floaters) are on to something. Maybe just letting life happen and letting your career come to you actually works. The obvious benefits of being stress-free, enjoying life, having fun, and knowing that whatever happens is supposed to happen because you haven't forced it can all lead to a healthier and happier life. Classic Author and longtime sailor, Herman Melville wrote this rhetorical question: "Why, upon your first voyage as a passenger, did you yourself feel such a mystical vibration, when first told you and your ship were now out of sight of land?" The answer is a simple one.....because you're going with the flow! You're out on the open ocean, one with nature, isolated, alone, vulnerable, in danger yet in tranquility. It awakens your senses and invigorates your soul.
Along these lines, Nathaniel Hawthorne, who was also a Classic Author and a friend of Melville's wrote: "Moonlight and the sentiment in man's heart responsive to it, are the greatest of renovators and reformers." Again, another way of answering Melville's question about the mystic vibrations we feel when we're at sea. Hawthorne also knew that nature awakens the sentiments in our hearts that are responsive to whatever it is that we see or experience---anything that enables us to go with the flow and relax typically jump starts this process.
So, now we know that we need to open the sentiments in our hearts, so that we can feel some mystic vibrations that will enable us to renovate our souls. We also know that going with the flow, and giving up some or all elements of control will help us get to that point. The remaining question is this: "Can you relinquish control and stop fighting the current?"
Olive was one person who just let everything 'be' and was what I considered the quintessential master of mystic vibrations. Even though she had a relatively successful career (she was the director of a department that had 9 people reporting to her), she got to that point by not trying at all! As she told me her story about how she got from Point A to Point B (her director's position) I marveled at how all she did was 'go with the flow.' In fact, that was her favorite saying---it was more than that---it was her motto. Every time I asked her how she was doing she would say, "Oh Troy, I'm just going with the flow!" But I digress. Back to her story.
As a college student, Olive simply studied what she liked or 'felt like learning about at that time.' She truly believed that God and fate would lead her on a true path to whatever she was 'supposed to do with her life' so she didn't have to worry about it. All she needed to do in college was study what she liked learning about and earn good grades. Which she did. Once college was nearing its end, she didn't hassle herself with searching for a job, she was confident an opportunity would open up, so she sat back and let the river carry her where ever it was heading! (That's the part of her story that gives me hives....there's no way I could've done that!)
But, after of few months of floating on the current, Olive saw a job opportunity along the shore so she paddled diagonally to the shore (not fighting the current, mind you) and landed at a nice opportunity where and when she was 'supposed to find it.' (Again, another attack of the hives!) While working in her new position, she was relaxed, happy and content. Her soul was renovated, and she was always at ease. She was feeling the mystic vibrations of a greater plan that could only be had by letting it happen. (Itchy hives broke out again!)
Fast forward a few years.....Olive stayed in that same job for 19 years (Itchy hives) because she never had a 'calling' to get back onto the flow that could carry her someplace else (Itchy hives). Then, one day, she told me that her job was going to be eliminated and her department was going to be consolidated with another smaller group because the company was losing money and had to figure out means of running lean. I asked her what her plan was. I wanted to know what she was going to do, where she was wanting to go and how she was going to get there. She said, "Oh Troy, I'm just going with the flow!" And I broke out in hives once again. I just couldn't, for the life of me, fathom how she couldn't have a plan!! In my feeble, Type-A mind, it defied logic!
Olive spent about 6 months going with the flow. Not really trying to find a job, just sort of letting life happen. I was so concerned about her, I was secretly job searching for her in my spare time! If she wasn't willing to fight the current and make something happen, then dammit, I would swim against her current (and my own current) for her! As it turned out, I was able to procure a great lead for her--great company, great pay, great boss. When I presented the opportunity to her, I felt as if I had saved her from having to live in a van down by the river, eating a steady diet of government cheese (to borrow a phrase). But I was wrong. Olive didn't see me as a savior who snatched her out of the jaws of destitution. She said, "Thanks, Troy but I can't accept this job lead. It looks good, but it didn't just come to me---you had to spend a lot of time and effort finding it."
I said, "Of course it took time and effort to find it, that's HOW you play the game!" And, Olive's response was, "It's important to me that I am able to find my own opportunities in life as they come to me---without stress, without effort, without forcing my will upon anyone. If I just go with the flow, something will come along eventually, Don't worry about me, I'll be fine." With that, I just faded into the background.
Months passed and Olive still didn't have a job. Then the months became one full year. At that point, she was diagnosed with a liver disease and she never recovered. She passed away only 8 weeks after that diagnosis. I couldn't help but wonder if she KNEW what was about to happen to her health. I wondered if she didn't take that job lead because she KNEW she wasn't supposed to. Maybe she didn't find it because she wasn't supposed to find it. I wondered if she didn't find another job right away because that wasn't in the PLAN. I began to wonder about a lot of things. But the one thing that I didn't wonder about was in relation to Olive's life.....she lived it on her terms, never straying from the flow that would carry her where she was 'supposed to go.' All her life, she certainly did float with the current, occasionally finding something new, but always finding something pleasant.
When she passed away, she was at peace and content with her life. And, when its all said and done, that really is all that matters. Olive left me with 2 things: with my itchy hives, as a reminder of how I needed to change my way of thinking. And with my new-found knowledge of witnessing the benefits of mystic vibrations. Now I'm off, I have to get busy with planning how to go with the flow!!
Monday, July 6, 2009
Rethink Unbelief
"All the trouble in the world cannot harm you so much as half a grain of unbelief."
---Charles Spurgeon
Having studied psychology for 20 years has taught me quite a bit on the topics of cognition and motivation. For example, I learned long ago that if you believe it, you can achieve it---that's basic pop-psych stuff. But as cliched as that is, it's a billion dollar industry. Why? Because its tough to do....its not easy to believe in something so strongly that you're all of the sudden able to go out and "Get 'er done!"(To quote Larry the Cable Guy and Mater from Cars.)
When was the last time you altered your belief system, your way of thinking, in order to attain or achieve or accomplish something that was out of your reach in the past? You most likely read one or two of those pop-psych books and threw a few bucks into that billion dollar collection kettle. And I'd be willing to bet that is where your attempt to change your belief systems stopped---probably after you finished one book but only getting through half of the second. Right? Be honest.
Some folks get a little farther than reading a book or two....they might actually practice meditation or visualization or hypnosis or positive self-affirmations ala Stuart Smalley ("I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and doggone it.....people like me!"). All of these tools can and do work in their own ways.....to some extent, but usually over a short period of time. If you want long term changes in your belief system to really take root, there is only ONE solution. FAILURE through trial and error!
Yes, failure is the key to believing in yourself! Sounds like an ironic oxymoron from hell because it is! But I have living proof that every one of us have gone thorough it, survived it, learned from it, and succeeded because of it.....not once, but hundreds or thousands of times. You learned everything you are able to do today by trial and error. Your miserable failures are what taught you how to believe in yourself so you could ultimately master that task or attain that accomplishment.
When you were a toddler and you wanted/needed to learn how to walk, you fell thousands of times before you finally mastered it. You spilled milk, juice and water on yourself tens of thousands of times before you were able to drink out of a glass without spilling it. A few tons of Spaghetti-O's, macaroni and cheese and Cheerios ended up on the floor before you got a grip on using a fork and spoon. But you did it. You believed in yourself. If you were able to go back in time and see yourself trying and failing and learning, you would have seen a determined little guy/gal who turned down help from an impatient and tired adult who just wanted you to eat/walk/drink and get on with it. But no, you would've turned down the efforts to do it for you because you wanted to try, to fail, to learn, and succeed by yourself!
And on you went through life. You tried, failed and learned how to speak your native language, cut paper with scissors, color in the lines, recite the ABC's, tie your shoes, ride a bike, read a book, dance ballet, play baseball, multiply by 9, and on it went. Astonishingly enough, all of this learning and much more happened before you were 8 years old! Then, something happened to your belief system, like 99% of the kids in this country.......it was crushed by adult, cultural, societal unbeliefs. "You can't do that, you're too small. You're not smart enough to study there. This isn't for you, you'll just break it." Sound like familiar unbeliefs? When we're younger than 8 years old, we don't really understand what those killer phrases mean. But once we understand them, and hear them repeatedly, we take them as gospel.
What we must do in situations like these is to take the negative unbeliefs as challenges. The Rudy Ruddiger's of the world---who hear, "You'll never get into Notre Dame, you're not Notre Dame material," and take that as a challenge, not only get into Notre Dame, but also make the football team---they are the people who still have that childhood magic that dispels unbelief! Similarly, I saw a commercial on a Christian cable channel at 4am one Sunday morning. It is a familiar story, but I had never seen it in video. It was a tight shot of a young boy who was standing on a baseball field, all alone. He was holding a bat in one hand and a ball in the other. He tossed the ball in the air and quickly swung his bat, trying to hit it. As the ball was in the air, he shouted, "I'm the greatest hitter in the world!" But he missed horribly. Again, he tossed the ball in the air, shouted, "I am the best hitter in the world!!" And he swung with all of his might. And he missed the ball. Finally, he closed his eyes, as if to visualize himself hitting the cover off that darn ball. He took a deep breath, tossed the cursed ball in the air and reared back his bat---mustering up enough power to hit it a mile. His mighty swing yielded nothing but air and the ball fell to the ground yet again. Interestingly, the boy had a huge smile on his face as he proclaimed, "WOW!! I'm the greatest PITCHER in the world!" And he triumphantly walked home.
He tried to hit the ball, he failed, he learned he wasn't a good hitter.....but maybe with a little re- framing of his perspective and with absolutely zero unbelief, he can stay interested in baseball and one day be successful and enjoy playing the sport. Can you do that in your various walks of life? In college? At work? At home? Here are a few examples of how someone I once knew shook off unbelief as it attacked him from every direction:
Nate was a young man trying to find his way in life. He had no skills, no talents and there was nothing really special or unique about him that set him apart from the herd. He was an average student in high school. He never belonged to any activites, sports or groups. Had only 2 friends. Didn't play any musical instruments. Didn't like to read. He wasn't much of a person.....he just existed.
One day, after high school graduation, he decided he should probably go to college. His parents told him that he would never get in because he wasn't smart enough. His lack of unbelief got him in, and his lack of unbelief helped him earn a Ph.D. from a world famous university.
One day, while he was attending college, Nate thought it was about time he went on a date with a girl. Since he had been a 'loser' most of his life, he had never known companionship of the fairer sex. So, he changed some of his ways, got a date, and got more dates, and years later married a beauty queen. Before any of these great adventures in dating paid off, Nate crashed and burned with hundreds of women.
Nate, not having any talents or skills, was usually tied down to a dead end retail job. One day, he decided he needed to use his bachelor's degree and he pursued a job in his area of study. After hundreds of interviews and no offers, he tried another way of getting in.....he worked for free! After working for nothing during the day and working retail at night for 2 years, he was finally hired (paid) for his day job! He was officially in! After dozens of attempts to climb the promotion ladder, he kept at it one more time and from there on out, his promotions paid for his masters and Ph.D. degrees!
Today, Nate is extremely successful in all walks of his life......if you knew him back then, you'd NEVER guess that he would've accomplished a fraction of what he has done. He went from living in a 600 sq. ft. apartment, alone and in squalor to living in a 5,000 sq. ft. home with 4 kids! When asked about HOW he did it, his answer is quite simple, "I knew the odds were stacked against me, and they still are. But through it all, I never focused on what I couldn't do, or on how much I had working against me. I only thought about what I could do. Since there wasn't much I could do well, it was easy for me to focus on that and do it well. Then, I worked very hard at finding anyone/someone who needed those one or two things that I could do well. It turned out that those one or two things pay a pretty decent salary."
Like the boy in the park trying to hit the ball, Nate didn't falsely proclaim himself the greatest hitter, nor did he lament over the fact that he sucked as a hitter. He reframed his thinking, focused on what he COULD do and tried tirelessly until he succeeded. His childhood way of rethinking and dispelling unbelief sustained him and kept him away from a life of loneliness and destitution. And that ain't pop-psychology!!
---Charles Spurgeon
Having studied psychology for 20 years has taught me quite a bit on the topics of cognition and motivation. For example, I learned long ago that if you believe it, you can achieve it---that's basic pop-psych stuff. But as cliched as that is, it's a billion dollar industry. Why? Because its tough to do....its not easy to believe in something so strongly that you're all of the sudden able to go out and "Get 'er done!"(To quote Larry the Cable Guy and Mater from Cars.)
When was the last time you altered your belief system, your way of thinking, in order to attain or achieve or accomplish something that was out of your reach in the past? You most likely read one or two of those pop-psych books and threw a few bucks into that billion dollar collection kettle. And I'd be willing to bet that is where your attempt to change your belief systems stopped---probably after you finished one book but only getting through half of the second. Right? Be honest.
Some folks get a little farther than reading a book or two....they might actually practice meditation or visualization or hypnosis or positive self-affirmations ala Stuart Smalley ("I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and doggone it.....people like me!"). All of these tools can and do work in their own ways.....to some extent, but usually over a short period of time. If you want long term changes in your belief system to really take root, there is only ONE solution. FAILURE through trial and error!
Yes, failure is the key to believing in yourself! Sounds like an ironic oxymoron from hell because it is! But I have living proof that every one of us have gone thorough it, survived it, learned from it, and succeeded because of it.....not once, but hundreds or thousands of times. You learned everything you are able to do today by trial and error. Your miserable failures are what taught you how to believe in yourself so you could ultimately master that task or attain that accomplishment.
When you were a toddler and you wanted/needed to learn how to walk, you fell thousands of times before you finally mastered it. You spilled milk, juice and water on yourself tens of thousands of times before you were able to drink out of a glass without spilling it. A few tons of Spaghetti-O's, macaroni and cheese and Cheerios ended up on the floor before you got a grip on using a fork and spoon. But you did it. You believed in yourself. If you were able to go back in time and see yourself trying and failing and learning, you would have seen a determined little guy/gal who turned down help from an impatient and tired adult who just wanted you to eat/walk/drink and get on with it. But no, you would've turned down the efforts to do it for you because you wanted to try, to fail, to learn, and succeed by yourself!
And on you went through life. You tried, failed and learned how to speak your native language, cut paper with scissors, color in the lines, recite the ABC's, tie your shoes, ride a bike, read a book, dance ballet, play baseball, multiply by 9, and on it went. Astonishingly enough, all of this learning and much more happened before you were 8 years old! Then, something happened to your belief system, like 99% of the kids in this country.......it was crushed by adult, cultural, societal unbeliefs. "You can't do that, you're too small. You're not smart enough to study there. This isn't for you, you'll just break it." Sound like familiar unbeliefs? When we're younger than 8 years old, we don't really understand what those killer phrases mean. But once we understand them, and hear them repeatedly, we take them as gospel.
What we must do in situations like these is to take the negative unbeliefs as challenges. The Rudy Ruddiger's of the world---who hear, "You'll never get into Notre Dame, you're not Notre Dame material," and take that as a challenge, not only get into Notre Dame, but also make the football team---they are the people who still have that childhood magic that dispels unbelief! Similarly, I saw a commercial on a Christian cable channel at 4am one Sunday morning. It is a familiar story, but I had never seen it in video. It was a tight shot of a young boy who was standing on a baseball field, all alone. He was holding a bat in one hand and a ball in the other. He tossed the ball in the air and quickly swung his bat, trying to hit it. As the ball was in the air, he shouted, "I'm the greatest hitter in the world!" But he missed horribly. Again, he tossed the ball in the air, shouted, "I am the best hitter in the world!!" And he swung with all of his might. And he missed the ball. Finally, he closed his eyes, as if to visualize himself hitting the cover off that darn ball. He took a deep breath, tossed the cursed ball in the air and reared back his bat---mustering up enough power to hit it a mile. His mighty swing yielded nothing but air and the ball fell to the ground yet again. Interestingly, the boy had a huge smile on his face as he proclaimed, "WOW!! I'm the greatest PITCHER in the world!" And he triumphantly walked home.
He tried to hit the ball, he failed, he learned he wasn't a good hitter.....but maybe with a little re- framing of his perspective and with absolutely zero unbelief, he can stay interested in baseball and one day be successful and enjoy playing the sport. Can you do that in your various walks of life? In college? At work? At home? Here are a few examples of how someone I once knew shook off unbelief as it attacked him from every direction:
Nate was a young man trying to find his way in life. He had no skills, no talents and there was nothing really special or unique about him that set him apart from the herd. He was an average student in high school. He never belonged to any activites, sports or groups. Had only 2 friends. Didn't play any musical instruments. Didn't like to read. He wasn't much of a person.....he just existed.
One day, after high school graduation, he decided he should probably go to college. His parents told him that he would never get in because he wasn't smart enough. His lack of unbelief got him in, and his lack of unbelief helped him earn a Ph.D. from a world famous university.
One day, while he was attending college, Nate thought it was about time he went on a date with a girl. Since he had been a 'loser' most of his life, he had never known companionship of the fairer sex. So, he changed some of his ways, got a date, and got more dates, and years later married a beauty queen. Before any of these great adventures in dating paid off, Nate crashed and burned with hundreds of women.
Nate, not having any talents or skills, was usually tied down to a dead end retail job. One day, he decided he needed to use his bachelor's degree and he pursued a job in his area of study. After hundreds of interviews and no offers, he tried another way of getting in.....he worked for free! After working for nothing during the day and working retail at night for 2 years, he was finally hired (paid) for his day job! He was officially in! After dozens of attempts to climb the promotion ladder, he kept at it one more time and from there on out, his promotions paid for his masters and Ph.D. degrees!
Today, Nate is extremely successful in all walks of his life......if you knew him back then, you'd NEVER guess that he would've accomplished a fraction of what he has done. He went from living in a 600 sq. ft. apartment, alone and in squalor to living in a 5,000 sq. ft. home with 4 kids! When asked about HOW he did it, his answer is quite simple, "I knew the odds were stacked against me, and they still are. But through it all, I never focused on what I couldn't do, or on how much I had working against me. I only thought about what I could do. Since there wasn't much I could do well, it was easy for me to focus on that and do it well. Then, I worked very hard at finding anyone/someone who needed those one or two things that I could do well. It turned out that those one or two things pay a pretty decent salary."
Like the boy in the park trying to hit the ball, Nate didn't falsely proclaim himself the greatest hitter, nor did he lament over the fact that he sucked as a hitter. He reframed his thinking, focused on what he COULD do and tried tirelessly until he succeeded. His childhood way of rethinking and dispelling unbelief sustained him and kept him away from a life of loneliness and destitution. And that ain't pop-psychology!!
Saturday, July 4, 2009
The Original City Slicker
"Toiling, rejoicing, sorrowing,
Onward through life he goes;
Each morning sees some task begin,
Each evening sees it close;
Something attempted, something done,
Has earned a night's repose.
Thanks, thanks to thee, my working friend,
For the lesson thou hast taught!
Thus at the flaming forge of life
Our fortunes must be wrought;
Thus on its sounding anvil shaped
Each burning deed and thought."
---Longfellow, The Village Blacksmith
Having taken on every form of hard labor, physical labor, grunt work or any other kind of dirty job that is usually left to those who are desperate or unskilled, I can honestly say that each form of grunt work is food for our souls. I've always extolled the virtues of getting sweaty and stinking to high heaven while on the job because it releases toxins in your blood; it physically straightens your muscles, your heart, joints and bones; the demanding exertion keeps you focused on the job at hand and sharpens your mental acuity; and it gives you the satisfaction of accomplishment at the end of the day. How many of you can honestly say all of this is true of your 9 to 5 job as a paper-shuffling, gossip mongering desk jockey?? How about none of us!
In our desk job lifestyle, we sit under florescent lights glued to a chair until its time to walk to the vending machine for a synthetic lunch which we eat while sitting in the same chair with eyes squinting at a micro-screen, reading a micro-blog. All we're really working on is hardening our arteries and numbing our minds into conformity. Where's the 'forging flame of life'? Where's the anvil that 'shapes our burning deeds and thoughts'? Sadly, we won't find them in an office cubicle. We have to somehow, someway, get OUT THERE and GET DIRTY!
Approximately 25 years ago, Richard was an accountant by day and a 'trip and fall' attorney on the side. He made good money, but he tried holding down 2 jobs because he was uninspired, bored and feeling stale. Accounting isn't all that exciting, and Richard was the first to admit that, but he hoped that getting away from his cubicle by dusting off his old law degree would be just what he needed to overcome his feelings of lethargy and apathy. It did help him for a while as it is always interesting and frightening to witness up close the pathetic ilk that comprise the 'trip and fall' litigation set. But after a few months, he was still uninspired.....after all, you've seen one lawsuit over spilled coffee, you've seen them all.
So, looking for something more out of his life, Richard decided to take a short vacation. He didn't know where to go until he spoke with his great uncle, Alfred. Alfred owned a ranch and 10,000 acres outside of Grand Junction, Colorado and it turned out to be an ideal spot for what Richard was needing---peace, solitude, clear mountain air and awe-inspiring vistas. So off he went, and when he arrived, it was all he had hoped for. The first, day there he took it easy and tried to relax a little. But he just couldn't because all around him were people busily working on chores---pitching hay, grooming horses, shaping horse shoes, feeding chickens, chopping wood, repairing a barn door, picking tomatoes----for a quiet mountain resort, it sure was noisy!
On Richards, second day, he decided to pitch in because he felt guilty sitting around sipping fruity cocktails while everyone else was branding calves! So, he too learned how to rope and wrassle with baby cows and he learned how to brand them, tag their ears with a GPS marker and place them in a holding pen so the vet could give them their shots. He learned how to slop the hogs, and even prep a chicken for dinner (complete with chopping off its head). At the end of this second day, a funny thing happened to Richard. For the first time in 20 years, he fell asleep as soon as he hit the pillow. He woke up 9 hours later at the crack of dawn, refreshed and feeling alive, and he didn't even need a handful of Valium!
Richard's 3rd day offered him an option--he could stay on the ranch and take it easy or he could ride with the men to repair some barbed-wire fencing. He chose the latter. What he didn't realize until he rode 2 miles away from the ranch house was they had to scan and repair the ENTIRE perimeter of the 10,000 acres!! Having never ridden a horse for more than 30 minutes, Richard was about to get a major lesson in saddle sores. He also got a lesson in handling barbed-wire as his hands, arms and even his face were cut and slashed from his inability to control the whip-like backlashes of the unwieldy wire. At lunch, they ate beef that was jerked in the smoke house, honey butter biscuits and drank coffee from a cast iron pot which was heated on an open fire. Richard was so hungry, it tasted better than the 6 course meals he's eaten at Chez Louis!
Luckily for Richard, the month was June, and the Colorado sky stayed light for nearly 13 hours, so they were able to ride and repair that entire time. As the sun began to set, his great uncle Alfred barked out orders to set up camp. Camp? Richard was horrified! His idea of roughing it was to stay in a Red Roof Inn and not a Shangri La! It was 9pm, he was so tired he couldn't even remember his own name so he thought, "What the heck." Before he went to sleep, however, he learned how to prep his sleeping roll to keep 'rattlers' out. That was a pleasant thought as he stared at the stars above and was lulled to sleep by the sound of the crackling camp fire and the distant yelps of coyotes.
During the night, Richard had some powerful dreams---he was in the deepest sleep he had ever had in his life---and he had visions of what his life SHOULD mean to him. He dreamt that he started a business and a law-firm that involved helping disadvantaged people protect themselves against consumer scams and other frauds.
Long story summarized: When Richard continued working the ranch for his 3 remaining days, his visions for his new company became clearer and clearer. As he chopped wood, he was able to work out the details in his mind that involved establishing his new practice. As he rode on the cattle drive, he was able to hammer out the details involving where he would get his seed money to rent office space. The fresh mountain air and the physical labor were clearing his mind, body and soul---he had new ideas, new hopes and new dreams. He had all the details worked out, and he couldn't wait to get back home and start his new career and his new life.
Richard did establish what became a very successful law practice and he fulfilled all of his dreams. He saved the lives of many hopeless people who were being taken advantage of by corporate pirates and he hired a handful of employees who also enjoyed long and fruitful careers. Now that he is retired, he works on his late, great uncle's ranch for free. In return for his hard labor, he earns 3 hot meals and a cot to sleep on. Richard owes his happy life to that one short vacation high up in those mountains that he now calls home. He says that if it wasn't for his time up there, he'd surely be worn-out hopeless and most likely homeless. Instead, he has millions in the bank and is living at the feet of the flaming forge of life!
Onward through life he goes;
Each morning sees some task begin,
Each evening sees it close;
Something attempted, something done,
Has earned a night's repose.
Thanks, thanks to thee, my working friend,
For the lesson thou hast taught!
Thus at the flaming forge of life
Our fortunes must be wrought;
Thus on its sounding anvil shaped
Each burning deed and thought."
---Longfellow, The Village Blacksmith
Having taken on every form of hard labor, physical labor, grunt work or any other kind of dirty job that is usually left to those who are desperate or unskilled, I can honestly say that each form of grunt work is food for our souls. I've always extolled the virtues of getting sweaty and stinking to high heaven while on the job because it releases toxins in your blood; it physically straightens your muscles, your heart, joints and bones; the demanding exertion keeps you focused on the job at hand and sharpens your mental acuity; and it gives you the satisfaction of accomplishment at the end of the day. How many of you can honestly say all of this is true of your 9 to 5 job as a paper-shuffling, gossip mongering desk jockey?? How about none of us!
In our desk job lifestyle, we sit under florescent lights glued to a chair until its time to walk to the vending machine for a synthetic lunch which we eat while sitting in the same chair with eyes squinting at a micro-screen, reading a micro-blog. All we're really working on is hardening our arteries and numbing our minds into conformity. Where's the 'forging flame of life'? Where's the anvil that 'shapes our burning deeds and thoughts'? Sadly, we won't find them in an office cubicle. We have to somehow, someway, get OUT THERE and GET DIRTY!
Approximately 25 years ago, Richard was an accountant by day and a 'trip and fall' attorney on the side. He made good money, but he tried holding down 2 jobs because he was uninspired, bored and feeling stale. Accounting isn't all that exciting, and Richard was the first to admit that, but he hoped that getting away from his cubicle by dusting off his old law degree would be just what he needed to overcome his feelings of lethargy and apathy. It did help him for a while as it is always interesting and frightening to witness up close the pathetic ilk that comprise the 'trip and fall' litigation set. But after a few months, he was still uninspired.....after all, you've seen one lawsuit over spilled coffee, you've seen them all.
So, looking for something more out of his life, Richard decided to take a short vacation. He didn't know where to go until he spoke with his great uncle, Alfred. Alfred owned a ranch and 10,000 acres outside of Grand Junction, Colorado and it turned out to be an ideal spot for what Richard was needing---peace, solitude, clear mountain air and awe-inspiring vistas. So off he went, and when he arrived, it was all he had hoped for. The first, day there he took it easy and tried to relax a little. But he just couldn't because all around him were people busily working on chores---pitching hay, grooming horses, shaping horse shoes, feeding chickens, chopping wood, repairing a barn door, picking tomatoes----for a quiet mountain resort, it sure was noisy!
On Richards, second day, he decided to pitch in because he felt guilty sitting around sipping fruity cocktails while everyone else was branding calves! So, he too learned how to rope and wrassle with baby cows and he learned how to brand them, tag their ears with a GPS marker and place them in a holding pen so the vet could give them their shots. He learned how to slop the hogs, and even prep a chicken for dinner (complete with chopping off its head). At the end of this second day, a funny thing happened to Richard. For the first time in 20 years, he fell asleep as soon as he hit the pillow. He woke up 9 hours later at the crack of dawn, refreshed and feeling alive, and he didn't even need a handful of Valium!
Richard's 3rd day offered him an option--he could stay on the ranch and take it easy or he could ride with the men to repair some barbed-wire fencing. He chose the latter. What he didn't realize until he rode 2 miles away from the ranch house was they had to scan and repair the ENTIRE perimeter of the 10,000 acres!! Having never ridden a horse for more than 30 minutes, Richard was about to get a major lesson in saddle sores. He also got a lesson in handling barbed-wire as his hands, arms and even his face were cut and slashed from his inability to control the whip-like backlashes of the unwieldy wire. At lunch, they ate beef that was jerked in the smoke house, honey butter biscuits and drank coffee from a cast iron pot which was heated on an open fire. Richard was so hungry, it tasted better than the 6 course meals he's eaten at Chez Louis!
Luckily for Richard, the month was June, and the Colorado sky stayed light for nearly 13 hours, so they were able to ride and repair that entire time. As the sun began to set, his great uncle Alfred barked out orders to set up camp. Camp? Richard was horrified! His idea of roughing it was to stay in a Red Roof Inn and not a Shangri La! It was 9pm, he was so tired he couldn't even remember his own name so he thought, "What the heck." Before he went to sleep, however, he learned how to prep his sleeping roll to keep 'rattlers' out. That was a pleasant thought as he stared at the stars above and was lulled to sleep by the sound of the crackling camp fire and the distant yelps of coyotes.
During the night, Richard had some powerful dreams---he was in the deepest sleep he had ever had in his life---and he had visions of what his life SHOULD mean to him. He dreamt that he started a business and a law-firm that involved helping disadvantaged people protect themselves against consumer scams and other frauds.
Long story summarized: When Richard continued working the ranch for his 3 remaining days, his visions for his new company became clearer and clearer. As he chopped wood, he was able to work out the details in his mind that involved establishing his new practice. As he rode on the cattle drive, he was able to hammer out the details involving where he would get his seed money to rent office space. The fresh mountain air and the physical labor were clearing his mind, body and soul---he had new ideas, new hopes and new dreams. He had all the details worked out, and he couldn't wait to get back home and start his new career and his new life.
Richard did establish what became a very successful law practice and he fulfilled all of his dreams. He saved the lives of many hopeless people who were being taken advantage of by corporate pirates and he hired a handful of employees who also enjoyed long and fruitful careers. Now that he is retired, he works on his late, great uncle's ranch for free. In return for his hard labor, he earns 3 hot meals and a cot to sleep on. Richard owes his happy life to that one short vacation high up in those mountains that he now calls home. He says that if it wasn't for his time up there, he'd surely be worn-out hopeless and most likely homeless. Instead, he has millions in the bank and is living at the feet of the flaming forge of life!
Friday, July 3, 2009
Lunching With a Loser
"Eat and drink with those who have great power, sit with those, give them a pleasant hour. You'll learn good from the good; those who are not, if you mix with them, spoil the sense you've got."
--- Theognis, Greek Philosopher
The old adage, "Do lunch or be lunch" does have merit for we all know that networking during business hour meals is one of the best ways of getting to know someone, for better or for worse. As I think about the hundreds of 'power lunch' stories I have heard or experienced, I can't help but think of a few examples that stand out as valuable lessons:
1) The One Hit Wonder. Jeff was an affable middle manager who knew how important it was to network during meals. Since he was an introvert, asking colleagues and superiors to lunch took a lot of nerve on his part. In some cases, he would practice asking an influential person to lunch while he stood in front of his mirror---not an uncommon practice---but it quite often took him 3 weeks before he could muster up the courage to ask!! Jeff became this gun-shy not entirely because of his shy personality, but for some strange and unknown reason, EVERY person he had lunch with never offered a second lunch invitation. In one year's time, Jeff invited 45 people to lunch, and not one ever reciprocated another meeting with him. Maybe lunch was too inconvenient, he thought. So instead of waiting for them to ask him to lunch, he invited them to a hearty sit-down breakfast. No luck. Then he thought coffee would be a good way to follow up on their lunch conversations, so he invited all 45 to various coffee meetings at 8:45am. Nobody bit. Most of his invitations for breakfast were declined because they 'didn't have time for breakfast' and most of his coffee invitations were refused because 'it was too early in the morning' or they didn't drink coffee. What Jeff didn't realize and what he never learned could have been found from this simple clue: Nobody ever invited him to lunch. Which means that nobody liked him AND nobody thought he was influential/useful enough to be invited. Hence, the reasons he couldn't get a follow-up mealtime meeting. Poor Jeff.....Theognis was right, 'power lunches' are called that for a reason.....everyone wants to eat and drink with those who have power or can offer them some benefit in return.
2) Pick up the Check Charley. Similar to Jeff, Charley was another mid-level nobody who understood the virtues of doing lunch or being lunch---and unfortunately, like Jeff, Charley was not someone most people would want to dine with because he too lacked great power. In fact, he lacked so much power that everyone he ate with out-ranked him and guilted him into picking -up the checks! Out of fear of reprisal, he paid for every meal. Most everyone he dined with would say, "You invited me here, do you expect me to pay for my meal?" Then he'd never hear from then again. After spending nearly $800 on lunches in less than one year, and not gaining any sort of benefits from these so called 'power lunches' he decided to give up and eat his peanut butter and jelly sandwiches alone at his desk.
3) The Overzealous Friend. Tommy was a likable guy who wanted to make friends with his new colleagues. Since he had only been with the company for one year, he wanted to be sure people on staff knew him and liked him as a person, not just as a professional colleague. As a result, he'd invite people he had come to casually know through business projects out to a congenial lunch for good food and conversation that is unrelated to work. It turns out, there were 2 groups of people in Tommy's scenario.....those who accepted a lunch date out of guilt and kept cancelling and rescheduling as well as those who would accept his invitation, leave him saying "We should do this again sometime," and never converse with him as a 'friend' ever again. Tommy was perplexed. He was nice to everyone, he never did anything to make enemies, yet nobody would get close to him. He began to wonder if he had B.O. or if he was one of those bizarre people that nobody likes because they're afraid of being embarrassed or are afraid that the strange behavior is contagious like Cooties. What it all boiled down to was this: regardless of how nice he was, people didn't like him. For some reason, his personality made them uncomfortable. He wasn't magnetic or vivacious. He was just a regular guy. He didn't have anything anyone would want either......no talents, no skills, no connections, no power. So what good was he to anyone and why on earth would they want to have lunch with him and just be friends?
4) Pissy Patty. Patty was a high-powered executive who frequented black tie lunches and dinners. As a result, she would always have plebeians who wanted to rub elbows with her at her table. She was usually repulsed and inconvenienced by these folks wanting to 'get something from her' while disguising a sincere appreciation for her with a poorly veiled hidden agenda. Never-the-less, during one very formal luncheon, Patty found herself sitting at a table with a few aforementioned plebs, but there was also a rich and famous political dignitary whom she greatly admired. During the course of this lunch, Patty focused all of her attention and time on the political dignitary---completely ignoring the rank and file people who would do her no good. The luncheon turned out to be an extremely long affair, and after 3 hours of fine food and dozens of cocktails, the affair finally came to an end. Per custom, everyone at the table rose when Patty, the only lady in the group got up to leave. After she left the group, the political dignitary glanced down at her chair and witnessed a huge puddle on the floor and after placing his cloth napkin on the seat cushion, he watched as it soaked up a foul smelling and warm liquid! Some speculated she spilled one of her cocktails. But there was no doubt about it......she wet her sequin dress! When a colleague asked her about it, she admitted that she didn't want to leave the table to relieve herself as she would miss precious time with the political dignitary. So, she let it flow, hoping nobody would notice! Well, everyone noticed and never invited her to formal functions....especially if they were in their own homes!!
So there you have it, 4 lessons about 'doing lunch or being lunch,' Of course, there are lunch meetings that go over very well. They ignite life long partnerships, provide valuable info for someone who is changing a career or trying to get started in a new industry, seal multimillion dollar deals, and become traditions for entire groups of workplace friends. But one variable is evident, as pointed out by Theognis, nobody wants to dine with a loser, so if you are looking for some lunch-time companionship, try some soul-searching, lest ye be embarrassed by jilts, reschedules, cold-shoulders, and pressure to pay the bill!
--- Theognis, Greek Philosopher
The old adage, "Do lunch or be lunch" does have merit for we all know that networking during business hour meals is one of the best ways of getting to know someone, for better or for worse. As I think about the hundreds of 'power lunch' stories I have heard or experienced, I can't help but think of a few examples that stand out as valuable lessons:
1) The One Hit Wonder. Jeff was an affable middle manager who knew how important it was to network during meals. Since he was an introvert, asking colleagues and superiors to lunch took a lot of nerve on his part. In some cases, he would practice asking an influential person to lunch while he stood in front of his mirror---not an uncommon practice---but it quite often took him 3 weeks before he could muster up the courage to ask!! Jeff became this gun-shy not entirely because of his shy personality, but for some strange and unknown reason, EVERY person he had lunch with never offered a second lunch invitation. In one year's time, Jeff invited 45 people to lunch, and not one ever reciprocated another meeting with him. Maybe lunch was too inconvenient, he thought. So instead of waiting for them to ask him to lunch, he invited them to a hearty sit-down breakfast. No luck. Then he thought coffee would be a good way to follow up on their lunch conversations, so he invited all 45 to various coffee meetings at 8:45am. Nobody bit. Most of his invitations for breakfast were declined because they 'didn't have time for breakfast' and most of his coffee invitations were refused because 'it was too early in the morning' or they didn't drink coffee. What Jeff didn't realize and what he never learned could have been found from this simple clue: Nobody ever invited him to lunch. Which means that nobody liked him AND nobody thought he was influential/useful enough to be invited. Hence, the reasons he couldn't get a follow-up mealtime meeting. Poor Jeff.....Theognis was right, 'power lunches' are called that for a reason.....everyone wants to eat and drink with those who have power or can offer them some benefit in return.
2) Pick up the Check Charley. Similar to Jeff, Charley was another mid-level nobody who understood the virtues of doing lunch or being lunch---and unfortunately, like Jeff, Charley was not someone most people would want to dine with because he too lacked great power. In fact, he lacked so much power that everyone he ate with out-ranked him and guilted him into picking -up the checks! Out of fear of reprisal, he paid for every meal. Most everyone he dined with would say, "You invited me here, do you expect me to pay for my meal?" Then he'd never hear from then again. After spending nearly $800 on lunches in less than one year, and not gaining any sort of benefits from these so called 'power lunches' he decided to give up and eat his peanut butter and jelly sandwiches alone at his desk.
3) The Overzealous Friend. Tommy was a likable guy who wanted to make friends with his new colleagues. Since he had only been with the company for one year, he wanted to be sure people on staff knew him and liked him as a person, not just as a professional colleague. As a result, he'd invite people he had come to casually know through business projects out to a congenial lunch for good food and conversation that is unrelated to work. It turns out, there were 2 groups of people in Tommy's scenario.....those who accepted a lunch date out of guilt and kept cancelling and rescheduling as well as those who would accept his invitation, leave him saying "We should do this again sometime," and never converse with him as a 'friend' ever again. Tommy was perplexed. He was nice to everyone, he never did anything to make enemies, yet nobody would get close to him. He began to wonder if he had B.O. or if he was one of those bizarre people that nobody likes because they're afraid of being embarrassed or are afraid that the strange behavior is contagious like Cooties. What it all boiled down to was this: regardless of how nice he was, people didn't like him. For some reason, his personality made them uncomfortable. He wasn't magnetic or vivacious. He was just a regular guy. He didn't have anything anyone would want either......no talents, no skills, no connections, no power. So what good was he to anyone and why on earth would they want to have lunch with him and just be friends?
4) Pissy Patty. Patty was a high-powered executive who frequented black tie lunches and dinners. As a result, she would always have plebeians who wanted to rub elbows with her at her table. She was usually repulsed and inconvenienced by these folks wanting to 'get something from her' while disguising a sincere appreciation for her with a poorly veiled hidden agenda. Never-the-less, during one very formal luncheon, Patty found herself sitting at a table with a few aforementioned plebs, but there was also a rich and famous political dignitary whom she greatly admired. During the course of this lunch, Patty focused all of her attention and time on the political dignitary---completely ignoring the rank and file people who would do her no good. The luncheon turned out to be an extremely long affair, and after 3 hours of fine food and dozens of cocktails, the affair finally came to an end. Per custom, everyone at the table rose when Patty, the only lady in the group got up to leave. After she left the group, the political dignitary glanced down at her chair and witnessed a huge puddle on the floor and after placing his cloth napkin on the seat cushion, he watched as it soaked up a foul smelling and warm liquid! Some speculated she spilled one of her cocktails. But there was no doubt about it......she wet her sequin dress! When a colleague asked her about it, she admitted that she didn't want to leave the table to relieve herself as she would miss precious time with the political dignitary. So, she let it flow, hoping nobody would notice! Well, everyone noticed and never invited her to formal functions....especially if they were in their own homes!!
So there you have it, 4 lessons about 'doing lunch or being lunch,' Of course, there are lunch meetings that go over very well. They ignite life long partnerships, provide valuable info for someone who is changing a career or trying to get started in a new industry, seal multimillion dollar deals, and become traditions for entire groups of workplace friends. But one variable is evident, as pointed out by Theognis, nobody wants to dine with a loser, so if you are looking for some lunch-time companionship, try some soul-searching, lest ye be embarrassed by jilts, reschedules, cold-shoulders, and pressure to pay the bill!
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