Choose Your Boss Wisely

"If you must be a servant, seek him who you can serve best."

---Nietzsche

Bosses, you can't live with 'em and you can't live without 'em. We spend 2/3 of our lives with them, yet how much time do we REALLY spend in making sure we're selecting the right one? Think about the last time you grilled your boss-to-be during an interview. Did you even have a chance to do that? If you had the time allotted, what did you do with it? I'd bet you sat there waiting for questions from him/her instead of asking the tough questions yourself.

It's ok if you wimped-out, most people do. It's primarily due to an unwritten law of interview etiquette---thou shalt not disrespect/embarrass/inconvenience your potential boss-to-be. After all, if you inconvenience her during the interview or disrespect her with too many trenchant questions, then you might lose out on the job offer. On the flip side, if you don't ask her enough questions, or better yet, the right questions, then you might be getting a boss you never bargained for!

What is a job seeker to do?

Here are some of my own unwritten laws that I like to follow when I'm interviewing for a job, but remember, these are only helpful if you MAKE them happen. Most companies and supervisors won't hand you these opportunities on a silver platter:

1) During your first visit to the company (or your first round of interviews) request a minimum of one hour alone with your future boss. If your future boss is 'too busy' to give you one hour, you've got your first red flag, and you're ready to move on to the next company!

2) During your second visit to the company (or your second round of interviews) request another one hour minimum of alone time with your boss. If you can get 2 hours, take it! If you can have some time, but not 2 hours, and not alone, that's ok too. You'd want to see how he/she acts in a group setting as well. If you get anything less than one hour, move on to the next company! If you know there won't be a second round of interviews, then work as hard as you can to make the most of that one hour meeting you'll have during the first interview.

3) Try very hard to schedule a breakfast or lunch meeting with your future boss. See if you can schedule this with him/her after you have had your second or last interview. It's obviously much easier to do this if you happen to be one of two finalists for a job, and its easier to do this if you are applying for a senior level position, and not an entry level one. However, you never get what you don't ask for, so even if you're entry level, ask to meet for coffee and bagels at the local breakfast hang out or for a quick sub sandwich at lunch. This is your chance to meet him/her on YOUR TERMS and in a more informal setting. Set the trap and watch for telling signs that might encourage or disappoint you. You'll know them when you see them!

4) This is the most difficult of my laws, but its also the most valuable: Try to stretch-out or extend the interview timeline by a few days. For example, after the offer has been made, and before you give your answer, try to schedule an EXTRA 30-minute meeting with your boss at his/her office. It's one last time for you to chat, ask questions about hobbies, interests, travels, and most importantly, get to know him/her as a person. This 30-minute meeting should be viewed as a time for you to talk about him/her and not about you and what you want. You've chosen his/her office location because you want to find out how he/she acts in a professional setting when not really discussing business. Start the meeting by saying, "Thanks again for the offer, my family (wife, kids, mom, dad, grandma, dogs, Foster-step-cousins, who ever) and I are very excited and we'll give you our answer in the morning, once we've had a chance to review the details.....I hope that's still ok with you....."

You've started the discussion with the business at hand, but you mentioned your family, that's the lead-in to the more personal bent of the chat. After you've stated that opening line as mentioned, complete your thought by talking about how important family life (leisure time, whatever) is to you, for example. Then ask your boss how he/she balances family and work. Ask appropriate questions about pictures of kids, pets, what ever happens to be on his/her desk. Its CRITICAL that you make this conversation flow naturally. If it seems contrived and canned, it will feel like an inquisition to your future boss, and that will be a death sentence for you. So be careful with this one, but if you can pull it off, you'll learn enough about your boss that will help make your decision a slam dunk!

Ricardo was interviewing for a mid-level position with a large energy company. They had a lot of turnover with this position and hadn't posted the job opening yet. Ricardo learned of the opening from a friend who works there, and who asked the boss, Sam, to give Ricardo a call.

During the course of 2 weeks, Ricardo made 4 trips to the company's offices. Two of those visits were scheduled and required interviews that the company arranged. The other 2 visits were arranged by Ricardo, as he followed my 4 unwritten laws.

For Laws #1 & #2, he had 30 minutes with his future boss and another one hour, respectively. He learned about Sam's vision and requirements of the job, but that was it. Ricardo couldn't tell if Sam was a good leader or even a nice person. If Ricardo was offered a job at this point, he would be making an uninformed and risky decision. For Law #3, Ricardo set up a lunch meeting with Sam a few days after they had their 2nd (and last official) interview. The lunch didn't go well, it was very rushed because Sam had to go to a meeting. During the lunch, Sam kept checking his PDA and was distracted. Sam seemed completely different than he did during meetings #1 & #2. Ricardo didn't feel connected to Sam, and that was a critical piece of information to have. More importantly, Ricardo wondered why Sam agreed to this lunch if he knew he was going to be busy and preoccupied. Was he just humoring Ricardo? Possibly, because Sam made the offer while they were walking back to the office from lunch. The offer felt rushed, informal and impersonal.

Finally, came the meeting associated with Law #4, and Sam failed miserably. Sam wasn't conversational, wasn't interested in any of Ricardo's hobbies or family or travels. Sam didn't even talk about his interests outside of work or how he balances career/life. In fact, Ricardo learned that Sam works 70+ hours each week and DOES NOT have one, single photo on his desk nor does he have any personal items or mementos in his office. It was as sterile as a surgical room! So was the conversation!

One month later, after Ricardo declined the offer, he bumped into the HR manager who was his 'host' while he was interviewing. She said that she just quit because she couldn't handle Sam any longer. In fact, Sam also quit a few days after she did! Ricardo smiled and was pleased he took the time to choose his boss well and didn't end of the servant of someone he couldn't serve best.