Should I Stay or Should I Go?

"The ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function is the sign of a truly intelligent individual."

-- F. Scott Fitzgerald

I'm not so sure people aspire to get to the point Mr. Fitzgerald is making, but it does happen; and according to him, if we can still function in spite of being torn, well......we must be special.

When problems like this are presented to me, it's either because a colleague has a dichotomous conundrum regarding a project that's due in 1 hour or a client has concerns about leaving his/her current position. Let's focus on the latter. When we consider leaving our current job for another one, it's safe to say that 50% of the time the decision to leave is a slam dunk. You can't wait for it to happen, and you're excited about the mere prospect of telling your boss where to shove it.

Then, there's the other 50%---that's the group I see most often. They are mired in indecision, and the 2 opposing ideas that they have (staying or leaving) has rendered them unable to function. It isn't that they're unintelligent, they're just paralyzed by analysis. To counter Mr. Fitzgerald's point, I'd argue that the most intelligent people are the ones who have the most trouble with 2 opposing ideas. The over analyzing causes the paralysis. Too much knowledge, thought and deliberation is not beneficial once your lamenting has lasted longer than 48 hours. After that, the greatest show of intelligence you can display would be to make a decision either way and stick with it.

Here are some real-life examples of intelligent people who couldn't function with 2 opposing job search options:

Grady was an entry level employee who was working in Cleveland. He decided he wanted to move to California, and got a job offer in San Diego. The salary wasn't quite what he had hoped, in fact, compared to his quality of life in Cleveland, he would have serious trouble making ends meet in San Diego. He got his job offer on Christmas Eve Day, and what he thought would be a no-brainer decision, ended up consuming his entire Holiday Season. His first mistake was to ask his new boss if he could have until January 2nd, to submit his answer......and she granted it! So, for 9 full days, Grady made pros and cons lists, talked to his family, his friends, his dog, and in the middle of the night, he had lengthy discussions with himself. He was so nervous and anxious, he didn't eat or sleep for those 9 days. He prayed a lot, consulted with his mentors, meditated, but the answer never 'just came to him.' Finally, desperate to make his pain and suffering go away, he decided to stay in Cleveland. The relief of finally making the decision was a euphoric high, but then the guilt of turning down a chance to live in beautiful San Diego started creeping in!

Rex was a middle manager who wasn't necessarily dissatisfied with his current job, he just felt that somewhere out there was a company that would treat him even better. During his casual, unofficial job search, he bumped into an opportunity that seemed pretty good. When he first interviewed on the phone, the search committee was very happy, friendly and excited to speak with Rex. Needless to say, Rex was feeling wanted and needed, which was the boost his ego had wanted. On his first on-site interview, the host company treated Rex like a rock-star; they picked him up in a Town Car, catered to his every need, treated him like he had been a life-long friend and truly acted like they wanted to hire him on the spot. It was a wonderful feeling that Rex wanted to hang onto for a long, long time. He had never felt so important!

He finally got the job offer, which included a 50% pay increase. But something was gnawing at him. He couldn't explain it. Upon further examination, he realized that he would desperately miss his current colleagues, his boss, his job duties and his current level of responsibility (which was a pretty cushy assignment). Now that he had found the company that would treat him 'better', he was afraid of not being able to hack it with the 'big boys'. Ultimately, his indecision sent him into a mild depression, complete with crying fits. His productivity at work came to a halt and he felt alone and isolated. He asked his 'new boss' if he could have a few more days (on top of the 3 days he already had) to think things over. Of course, this only prolonged the inevitable and did nobody any good at all. Then, he accepted, signed the papers and tried to go on with his life. Long story short, that gnawing feeling returned and his depression got worse....so bad, he couldn't get out of bed and he couldn't bring himself to work to give his current boss his 2 weeks notice. Ten days passed and Rex's start date with his new company was just around the corner. Instead of giving his notice, he stayed home taking sick days, sinking deeper into depression.

Ultimately, Rex picked up the phone and reneged on his acceptance...just one day before he was scheduled to start. For the first time in nearly 2 weeks, he shaved and went back to work. His 'new' boss threatened to sue Rex and vowed revenge. That was 6 years ago, and Rex hasn't looked for a new job since.

Julie was a middle manager who was up for a promotion. She and her boss had talked about a plan that would get her to the next level, and they both agreed that they would target this transition to occur around 12-18 months down the road. One day, Julie approached her boss and said, "There's an open position in the department on the 76th floor and I have decided to apply. I really am excited about the plans for promotion that you have for me, but I think this new opportunity could be exciting too."

Two opposing ideas. Her brain not functioning very well. Cutting the legs out from under her boss's plans for her promotion. Putting all of her eggs in the 'new job basket' without having even interviewed---very unintelligent!